Listening Matters

Listening Matters

Posted jan 19th in Articles  No Comments

Think of someone in your life who really listens well. I mean truly listens, without interrupting and you know that their sole agenda is to be curious as to what you will say next. Take a moment, this could change your life as it did mine, but more of that later. It might be a friend, a grandparent or a colleague. In their presence how do you feel? What thoughts are you capable of generating? What solutions can you create to life’s challenges? Now think of someone who interrupts and is not focussed on you, nor are they curious or interested in your thoughts or feelings. Likewise, how do they make you feel? And how does that impact your thoughts?

Listening is not a passive act, nor even an active one, but when done well, it’s highly generative.

As a finance executive working for a multi-national company I was fortunate to have a mentor called Chris. During our time together I did all the talking and Chris would mostly listen. These encounters managed to transform both my professional and my personal life in ways I never imagined. His undivided attention allowed “me” to express my own limiting thoughts and his presence gave me permission to really explore my own way forward. I began to see opportunities where previously there were none. My dreams became important again and within a short period I had carved out my dream job. For me the quality of Chris’ presence was empowering, creative and connective all rolled into one.

I believe that most people are more intelligent and better than they believe they are. I now like to listen generatively for that.

It seems so simple and yet what leads us astray from this generative act? Well, we’re all so busy, and we have so many devises that allow us to be distracted such as emails, smart phones, and twitter. It’s easy to become addicted to our own busyness.
In addition we often believe that we give value by giving advice. At a recent seminar I gave to former CEO’s on generative listening, an attendee explained that at her former employer, doctors were compared to a computer machine at giving patient diagnosis consultations. The feedback from patients was a resounding preference for the machine. Why? Because the machine listened without interrupting!
Have we lost this vital way of connecting with each other? What if we were to believe that the quality of our presence and our undivided attention are highly valuable and quite possibly the most sought after gem in the world?
The good news is that listening is a skill, and I like to treat it as a practice. As it’s such an integral part of our life, like breathing, we get the chance to practice this generative act every day.
Jeff Immelt, CEO at GE, in 2010 said that “Humble Listening” is one of their top four leadership capabilities. I think they might be on to something. What do you think?

Julian Read